Beautifully Broken

I can’t help, but cry a river of tears. Sleep can’t be found. There are family and friends who tell me it’s all in my head, they say how doctors could miss this if I’m in this much pain, I’m crying out, but those who listen are getting fewer and fewer, and can’t you see I’m screaming at the top of my lungs. I see IC right in front of me, you don’t see me…. No all you see is a disease. It’s like I’ve been labeled, and I feel at times I don’t have a name anymore. The pain comes in like a tidal wave. At those moments I go to another time and place. The pain shoots from the top to the bottom try to sit, I try to stand, and all I need is a helping hand. I’m tired of explain, I’m tired of excuses and I miss so much. I SEE this why. Why can’t you? To me it’s my norm to you, it’s as if I’m no longer the same, and nothing hurts me more than your lack of understanding. I see why cant you! You then wonder why I break down so much and cry a river of tears that you just turn away from. You hea...

  Put away that smile and brave face. We are not required to stay strong, we all feel weak at times. There is no shame in this. There are more than enough days that I lay in bed and just cry, until I no long have tears to cry with. I cry because of the relentless pain, I cry because I want to be free of this monster that tried to wreck havoc on my body. It does to my body in many ways, but I refuse to let it do that to my soul. This is about giving ourselves room and permission to cry and to let it all out. I need to be honest with myself, I hate this I really do, and WE all do. It’s not fair it feels good to be real and raw and speak it the way it is. I know many of you will be able to relate to this. The day’s I’m bedridden, that’s tough. But I give myself permission to not be on top of it all. It’s ok to cry its ok to breakdown, I give you permission. I’m sure you’ve heard this before; TEARS are a cleansing to the soul and spirit. God gave us tears, it he wanted us to always ...

                  A   Face to this Disease My prayer with this blog is that you will realize you’re not alone out there.   There are many others who struggle right along with you. A face brought to the forefront, a person who has endured many sleepless nights and more than my share of tears. To fully know how I got to be where I’m on this journey, the best place to start would be the beginning. I know that many of you like me can remember when you first were diagnosed. But I have to take you back farther than that, for you to truly understand where I’m coming from. It’s only been a couple of years since I’ve been diagnosed, but my journey started long before that. It began about 10 years ago in a doctor’s office. My gynecologist office, I was going to see her because I was having a lot of pain that would not let up: periods that were unbearable and a lot of UTIs. I share this part because ...

So here it is first of my entries into this blog, which I know a lot of you have been patiently waiting for, I recently asked a couple of my IC sisters what topics they wanted me to address. One of the responses was the importance of having friends/our IC sisters who we can call up and vent to; pour the contents of our hearts out to someone who is a good listener. Who gives good advice, and input, but sometimes we need someone to talk less and listen more. Who doesn’t just listen with their ears, but with their hearts as well? I’ve written quite a few entries so far into my journal which I will be adding slowly .Each day I hope to write a entry. It was hard to choose which one I would write first. Then I thought I want you to feel connected to me through my journey, because we’re all on this journey or know someone who is on this journey. So I came to the conclusion that the very first thing I would write about was the beauty of sisterhood! What I’ve found is Chronic pain/Inters...