Beautifully Broken

   Good afternoon readers, i know that its been a long time since i wrote in here and im so sorry for being away for so long, even with the good intentions i have about keeping up with my 3 blogs, life happens and i get busy  or my health just isn't what i need it to be , which keeps me from writing  here  telling you about my journey and  talking about issues that are important to the IC community.    Last i updated was me telling you that i was going in for the Intertim and since i last wrote here i got the intertim phase 1 and phase 2 completed and this  is my journey so far.    Have you ever felt like you were standing on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the mountainside.The view is breathtaking, the blue velvet sky stretches for as far as the eyes can see.Not one cloud is in the sky.You see mountains in the distance.you can see everything from this point.You hear the birds chirp in the trees, its silence, just beauty is what...

Good Afternoon readers; I hope you all are doing as good   as can be expected and I pray for you all, whether I know you from face book or not! Today’s entry will be a personal update about my own journey with IC and what ill be facing over the next couple of weeks. In a previous entry I posted about the decision I had made about going for the interstim trial and if that was successful, then getting the intertim implant. My insurance was fighting me getting it, but my Urologist went to bat for me, ordered all these tests and pushed until we got the answer we needed, more importantly God was on my side and He heard all the prayers going up on my behalf.           I finally singed the consent form few weeks ago and my trial is scheduled for August 23 rd . and ill be going for a follow up August 26 th to see if the trial has been successful. If it is then I go for the actual implant surgery August 30 th .So many emotions going through my head...

   Good afternoon; my readers. What a beautiful glorious Day it is outside, its going to be another hot one, but as I look outside I see the sky overhead splashed with bright blue color and the trees are so lush green and I hear the birds outside my window and I feel at such peace. There is something very soothing about Gods creation and when im in pain and even when im not I breathe in the beauty and take it all in.      I’ am talking about finding beauty in our storms. IC is a storm, but we face all kinds of storms in our every day lives, circumstances that scare us, shake us up, and make us feel like our boat of life is going to capsize over .IC is a raging fierce storm as we all know, chronic illness, chronic pain of any kind shakes us up to the very core. You may ask how a storm can bring beauty. What possible good can come from what I’am dealing with at this very moment .im glad you asked, because that’s where I want to encourage you in your journ...

Hello my Beautiful IC Family.   I know that I have not written in my IC blog in quite some time and I apologize for that. When I don’t write I truly miss my passion, but some days the pain is so overwhelming or im busy with life, you all know how that can be and days turn into weeks and weeks can easily turn into months and im sorry.   I am back and ill try to write at least 2/3 times a month in this blog. I had to stop doing another one of my blogs because it just got too much for me. I had my own three blogs plus I blogged on a International level for the International Bipolar foundation. So this entry   is going to be a mix up of a small update of what’s going on   a personal   level with my own health and then I want to talk about   “Constants” but ill explain! Before I dig in I want to write you a poem that just came to me, because my first and foremost reason for blogging is to encourage you all!         ...

   Do you Feel the wind  in your hair, feel the sunlight on your face?Are you standing on the edge of a cliff, looking out over at all those faces below?Do you have a  dream that you've  been so afraid to dream?Do you still have your voice, can others hear you speak your story?I know its so easy to get caught up the in the commotion amidst the chaos and the sound of your spirit crying out, Hear me... Hear me i say and your body is fighting against itself!    I know not every day, but alot of days i dont feel courageous! what about you?Do you feel strong?do you feel like your can  be like that Eagle that's perched on the tree, sitting so proud, so strong, so beautiful, who is the emblem of courage and strength!No most days thats the farthest thing i feel. i cnat carry the world on my shoulders! i know this disease rips us apart, attacks us to the very core of the human spirit!~we cant always keep it together!   your always giving, that's who...

   I fight my biggest battles in the darkness of night, as the lights go out and the streetlights dim, everyone is asleep, that's when my tears  begin!The tears sting my eyes.I try to grasp for a anchor to cling to.Though at times i feel im sinking faster than i can stay afloat!Im doing my best im giving it my all, so why dont that seem good enough, im running on empty and im tying to find and hold fast to that tiny thread of hope so i dont sink deeper than iam.    This pain takes every bit of energy i have, all my strength and every ounce of courage i have to keep going.I  will keep lifting my head, though there are days, i feel like  its diminshing.I will dig deeper  so i can keep breathing.I know the strongest and the bravest are those who have fought the hardest! who at times there tears go unoticed by the  outside world. We wear our battle scars to show the warrior paths we have taken. so live in the moment, cherish  each day when...

Good evening readers, my precious readers:   I know I have not written in here for quite awhile. I’m trying to stay caught up, but when you deal with multiple chronic diseases, its like you feel like you’re going to lose yourself at times, amidst each new doctor you see, each new medication that makes you feel like you’re in some kind of fog. Writing is my outlet, always has been, always will be. It’s my way of expressing what I cannot say in words, my pen speaks across the paper. I do what I do , I keep writing for all of you, I want to leave this world one day with some kind of imprint, I want to do my part by helping   as many as I can along my journey, because in my eyes, my journey is not just about myself, it’s about all of you too.   Well early this evening, while hubby was taking a late nap I came out of the bathroom, and tears overtook me. Tears that just started falling from my eyes, I literally just fell to the ground in a heap, not because I was in inte...