Grieving Who I Once was, Before IC~



Grieving Who I Was              
This blog's focus is on the issues surrounding Interstitial Cystitis, and sharing my personal understanding of this particular disease with the world.  What I’ve discovered, though, is that there is a good deal of overlap when examining the psychological issues surrounding most chronic, painful illnesses. 
Have you asked yourself the question, have I grieved who I once was before I got sick? Or better yet, has this disease become my prison? I know I grieved for my former life when I was first diagnosed with IC.  There were times when I stomped my foot and got angry at my circumstances - of what my disease had taken from me.  The truth of the matter is we can’t change what has happened.  We must learn to adapt and live life to the very fullest.  This is our reality - day in and day out.  Do I want to embrace it?  No.  I'm not happy that this is my reality.  It’s not an easy journey, but I have a choice to not let this be the defining factor in my life.  I don't want to live my life based on what I can’t do, but what I can do to make these circumstances easier to accept. 
With this outlook in mind, my struggle with IC has, in many ways, actually benefited my life.  When I was first diagnosed with IC, my life turned upside down.  I was just 31 years old.  It took all I had and God’s grace and strength not to completely lose it.  If I had turned inward and just shut down, I never would have found my way through to the other side - I would still be in denial.  I would still be sitting still while my life passed me by.   But by confronting the reality of my life, I have become stronger, though there are times when I don’t feel strong; for there are days I feel my body raging against me.   What’s more, my struggle has given me eyes to have more understanding and compassion for those in chronic pain.  
I know this disease is ugly to the core, as all chronic illness is.  Yet beauty came out of the ashes.  When I think of this, tears start to roll down my face, for I know the truth: I never would have been able to come to terms with being chronically sick without God, without my IC family.  It is by their love, commitment, and openness that I have made it this far.  But it is by this illness that I have gained such powerful relationships.
So I ask you, have you grieved over who you once were?  Will you be able to learn to accept what you can't change and do your best to improve on what you can?  Will you allow your chronic illness to define you, to defeat you?  Or will you use your pain to strengthen yourself, your peers, and the bonds which tie you together?

the end~

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