Poem~ I'am more than IC~



                                           I feel broken, but you cannot see the raw harsh reality of what we feel. I’m a good pretender I can hid it well behind my smile, but every now and then a tear make it way out of my eyes and down my cheeks for you to see. I feel broken, I feet tattered I feel frail I feel like the world continues spinning, while I stand still.
                                          At times I wonder what’s the use, its not something I get better from, how else can I tell you ive spoken loud and clear you hear me speak but you don’t listen to my words. You think it’s a excuse, how could you possibly think id want this kind of life, you think it couldn’t be that bad, well WAKE UP it is  far worse than you could ever imagine. There is no reason under heaven id ever have chosen this life for me, I never even want it on my worst enemy.
                                  All I can do is what im doing and that is doing the very best I can to live this life, the life ive been given. I just wish for a moment you would try to understand my pain, my words, my agony my reality. Our bodies are broken down; there are no words to express the pain we feel.  Our bodies are broken, but iam STILL ME! My body has changed, but my dreams remain .I cannot promise that tomorrow will be better day… so please I do not ask for much. The guilt I feel at times is just too much, it’s unreal, I mean it real, but its beyond you, unless you’ve cried out tears unless you’ve spent restless nights in agonizing pain, then you have no clue! My body is tattered, torn and weary from this road ive been on, but I still do my best to live.
                           I have people I cherish with every fiber of my being. I want to experience life and all its beauty it has to offer. BUT IC is part of me, if you love me, you have to accept what is and what is its not a figment of my imagination its real and raw and painful and lonely. So whether you have ic or a family member of friend does… take our hands join this fight alongside us as we stand united for together even IC  does not have the power to destroy me!~

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 30, 2015 at 11:08 PM

    So beautiful and honest, thank you for that! I feel like people really don't have ANY clue what's its like to be trapped in a body that hates me, with pain that refuses to let me forget it, not even for a minute. Thank you again for articulating what IC feels like to me.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Poem~ "Not Another Day"

                       Good evening readers,I know its been awhile since I wrote in my blog and I apologize for that. This entry won’t be a regular entry I feel led to share with you another one of my poems to encourage your weary souls. I know that a lot of my IC and fibro and many suffering from chronic pain are dealing with a lot, their health is failing, and they feel overwhelmed, pressed down from so many different angles.       Today my pain is so severe, I was late getting my period, and we know how that flares our IC, but I forced myself to go outside and just sit in the sun for a little bit. It was a time of refreshment and peace. The sky was so blue, as blue as can be, the sun was so warm on my face and the clouds so puffy. I then spent a hour just reading my bible, I felt the Holy spirit drench me with His peace. I put myself aside and ...
Read more

I Give Permission

  Put away that smile and brave face. We are not required to stay strong, we all feel weak at times. There is no shame in this. There are more than enough days that I lay in bed and just cry, until I no long have tears to cry with. I cry because of the relentless pain, I cry because I want to be free of this monster that tried to wreck havoc on my body. It does to my body in many ways, but I refuse to let it do that to my soul. This is about giving ourselves room and permission to cry and to let it all out. I need to be honest with myself, I hate this I really do, and WE all do. It’s not fair it feels good to be real and raw and speak it the way it is. I know many of you will be able to relate to this. The day’s I’m bedridden, that’s tough. But I give myself permission to not be on top of it all. It’s ok to cry its ok to breakdown, I give you permission. I’m sure you’ve heard this before; TEARS are a cleansing to the soul and spirit. God gave us tears, it he wanted us to always ...
Read more

Poetry~ "Its In Moments Like This I Live For"

Another night of endless pain, hard to remember   the life i had before all this pain began, another night I face, the world sleeps as I lie awake thinking of another time, another place, a place far away from all the pain and the tears, if only I could go back so many years.     As I sit here with tears falling from my eyes I cling to the words I   know my Savior said” never will I leave you, never will I forsake you” its in moments like this I so desire to be wrapped up in the arms of my loving Lord.     Outside I can hear the river flow on by, and the small waterfall at the end. it’s the way I love to   begin and end my days, hearing the sound of God’s creation   the sound reaches into my soul I feel its echo through my body, I sense the peace and the tranquility it brings its in moments like this, amidst the pain that I live for.   Day after day as time ticks away, the hours slip by, they give away to days, days turn into weeks...
Read more