Managing Friendship while having IC~



                       Good evening my readers, as I write in my blog tonight, I started to think how many issues surround having IC. All the worries we have with this disease, so many topics that I want to make sure I address.  Tonight’s topic is going to be about Friendship. How do we manage our friendships? How do we stay emotionally healthy and not let unhealthy individuals   move into our lives. It’s a important thing to address, as we all know from experience, it’s not easy task living with chronic pain, chronic illness .not everyone will understand.  What we take in, and those we keep company with says a lot about our character, and how others treat us, says a lot about theirs.
                 I have a philosophy that I live by, and that is, we need people in our lives that will bring out the best in us. If people can’t love us at our lowest times, they DON’T deserve to have a place in your heart, and they don’t deserve to see you at your best. This can apply to anyone, but how do those with chronic illness keep their friends, when so many are quick to leave us, when the rough times hit.
        I want to share with you, what I’ve learned in my life so far, and what living with chronic   disease has taught me. First off, I want to be the kind of friend that I want, it’s as simple as treating others the way I want to be treated. Ive learned through having chronic pain, to be more patient with those in my life, that’s a virtue, patience. Giving those in our lives the room to grow, and the space they need, we all need it at times.
    Sometimes we need a time out, meaning just a time to step back and stop being there for everyone else, and just love on ourselves, if our friends are truly who they say they are, a friend, then they will understand, its tough, how many of us have had to cancel plans because we’re having a bad pain day? Or our body is raging as it seems at times, its fighting against us. We need to be honest with those in our lives, that are all we can do, if those are people who love you, they will understand, if not, then they have some maturing to do. It’s them, not you. It speaks about their character, not yours.
     Surround yourself with uplifting people who will walk you through, now I know I’ve met a family of understanding with my fellow IC warriors, but give others opportunity’s to love you too, not everyone may understand, but there are many loving hearts out there, that want to stand by you in your best and your worst times. Its not easy, but it can be done. Just remember the importance of healthy friendships, not ones that drain the life out of you, but ones that bring out the best!

Comments

  1. Stephanie GamezFebruary 25, 2014 at 7:59 AM

    Natalie I must say you are one beautiful lady. I see those blue eyes, red hair, perfect skin. Just beautiful inside and out and why I always called you blue eyes. Your eyes do tell your story I do see the little bit of smile and gleaming hope in your eyes for a cure and you amaze me. Thanks for uplifting me today.
    As for the story of friends sure hit home. I am very lucky to be apart of online support groups and meet many ladies like us dealing with the same pain and understand just like my family. However some friends I meet before my leg amputated always never understand my illness, My husband illness and taking care of my dying mother in law and working and they would get mad at me if I could not make it to an event and hold it against me and would always throw it in my face I missed her birthday party but I had surgery next morning. I did get counseling during this time because I was blaming myself and felt guilty and alone. My counselor like you said these type of people we don't need in our life and we must learn to know it's ok to say no. Funny thing my Counselor told I could not bring my BFF at that time to any meetings because she will destroy me and you story just back it up. Miss you and I hope I get more blogs from you girl.

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  2. Stephanie GamezFebruary 25, 2014 at 8:01 AM

    Natalie I just wrote a long blog to you but under husband name Mark Barrett but not sure if it went thru if not I will rewrite later and want you to know you beautiful blue eyes and great story.

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  3. KathyFebruary 26, 2014 at 5:54 PM

    wow, so true, so true.. I can't believe how totally hard this it home. I started a dinner group with two couples, we'd go out once a month for dinner, two more couples joined, then two more. After I lost use of my right leg I guess I they thought I was too much of a burden to call when they would plan the outing. Every couple would pick a month and take turns making all the phone calls to get everyone in posted as to where, when etc. We wouldn't get the calls every month anymore.. I noticed shortly after this started happening that another couple was invited in, as though we were being replaced. My husband would still get calls from the men in our group and he would have lunch will several of them a couple of times a month.. "they would call it the board meeting".. I wasn't getting phone calls from the ladies for individual lunches either.. I had to stop doing a lot of stuff as it was, i.e. going to my kids sporting events etc. I couldn't walk a field to watch a soccer game anymore, I couldn't sit on the bleachers to watch football anymore so I guess the just wrote me out.. We have since moved about one hour south of these friends and now my husband rarely gets calls from the friends because they don't want to take turns coming here, but when it's his turn he travels to meet them. I will say in the beginning right after surgery I would get a how are you doing call from maybe 2 of the ladies, I would see some out and about and local stuff that I attended but even our conversations when running into them became very mundane, almost as they had nothing to say.. I was the same exact person, yes I was in more pain because during my surgery my doctor severed my nerves causing RSD... RSD is as painful as IC, something I will most likely live with for the rest of my life.. I never sat and talked about my pain with any of them because I didn't want to make them uncomfortable, I wasn't always wanting to go out on every event and missed many, but never said no to our dinner dates.. How do you re-coupe from so many turning their backs on you?.. Couples that you have known for 20 years.

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  4. Country Life With LindaApril 7, 2014 at 4:35 PM

    Hi, I can really relate to what you are saying. I also have IC. I have had it for over 12 years. I have lost the friends I use to have. Seems like when you have a pain issue or cannot do what you use to they seem to forget you. I have two friends I really miss. It is really hard still after all this time. People who do know you have a disease always want to say gee you do not look sick. The only time I seem to get out of the house is when I have a doctors appointment, then we do the errans we have to do. I just found your blog and have enjoed reading it.

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